Swollen lymph node?

Last week Courtney texted me from school saying she felt a swollen lymph node on the left side of her neck (the same side as her original melanoma).  I have been doing a lot better with my worrying over the last few months, but hearing this made the tears start flowing again.  I called St. Jude and told them it was about the size of a pea and was not tender.  The doctor said that it does not sound like an emergency and he will see her on Tuesday, which made me feel better.  We left for St. Jude on Monday after school and drove the 5 hours with Courtney singing and talking the ENTIRE way!  LOL  When we got to Grizzly House, she continued talking, singing, and dancing until 1:00 am.  Yes, she was exhausted for her appointments on Tuesday.

Her appointment went very well.  The doctor said her lymph nodes look good, the swelling was most likely from a sore throat that she had, but to watch it.  Thank the Lord!!   He asked Courtney if she was excited that her treatment will be over in 3 months, and she burst into tears... as did I.  I knew what she was thinking.  This medicine gives her a sense of security, and she is scared that when she is finished with it, that the melanoma will come back since this is such an aggressive, fast moving cancer and very unpredictable.  I still feel very positive that she is going to beat this, but once in a while I still have fear that it may come back in the next few years as the peginterferon does not extend the survival rate, it is just supposed to extend the disease free time by 9 months.  Some people do not understand how terrible this disease is...it is SO deadly.  I remember reading another lady's blog who has stage 4 melanoma in her lung, and her doctor told her that it would be better and more treatable if it was lung cancer, and not melanoma.  I have watched so many people die over the last 6 months with melanoma, and I pray every day that my daughter will get through this and live a long, long life!  <3

Valentines Day

Courtney and I spent Valentines Day at St. Jude for her monthly check up.  It was a very long 7 hour day, and then another 5 hour drive home.  I am looking forward to sharing the drive with my daughter when she gets her license this summer.  :) 

It was a very nice day.  Courtney gave me a beautiful box with polka dots and roses to store my important papers in, and heart chocolates from her and and her boyfriend.  I was very surprised as I have never received a Valentines gift from her.  I gave the kids heart boxed chocolates.... I also received roses. :)

I am not sure what to make of this check-up yet, but they told us that her thyroid numbers were very high from the peginterferon and they put her on thyroid medicine.  Now, every visit she also needs to see an Endocrinologist to regulate her medicine.  I need to do more research on this.  After the appointment I could see the worry in Courtney's eyes when she asked me, "can I die from this?"  My poor girl has been through so much over the last 9 months, I was hoping all the worries were gone.  Lately she has been worrying and stressing about college and planning for her future.  I do not want her to have any other worries.

The good news is her liver enzymes are down to almost normal and they slightly increased her dose.  She has 4 more months on peginterferon..... and then what?   We know that the medicine provides an extra 9 months of relapse free occurrence, but it does not extend overall survival.  I am afraid that once we are finished with the treatment, the melanoma will come back like so many others.

I read a few melanoma blogs, and we just lost another brave fighter recently.  I prayed for him every day as I pray for so many.  A friend that I went to school with.... her best friend's daughter has kidney cancer and is in hospice.  She is only in her early 20s.... such a beautiful young lady, and it breaks my heart to see so much cancer in young children, teenagers and young adults.  I have always been a worrier when it came to my children, but NEVER IN MY LIFE did I worry that they would get cancer.  I worried about everything else... not this.  In the first six or so months, I cried every day and worried that she was going to die, but I kept it all to my self.  No matter what people said to me, it did not make things better.  Courtney's doctor said to me that finding out your child has cancer is a grieving process, just like a death.  You go through stages.  That is exactly what happened to me.  One day I decided to pray for myself, in addition to everyone else.... I prayed for strength.  My prayers were answered and my depression, crying, and worrying about dying went away.  I now feel certain that Courtney is going to be okay.  I keep praying that I continue to be strong for my daughter as this will be a fight for the rest of her life.... her long, long life! <3